Learning to love me
“You just need to love yourself” how many times have you heard or seen this…I mean, with all good intentions, it’s not as simple as that.
What does it actually mean to “love yourself” what does it look like, sound like and feel like?
I can tell you as someone who spent many years in a state of self hatred due to childhood conditioning, it’s not as simple as positive thoughts and affirmations in the mirror. I lived inside a completely dysfunctional internal and external world. Why? Because love didn’t exist the way I needed it to. So, where the fuck do you even begin? Well, at the beginning, that scary place none of us really want to be with anything. That awful place where things feel awkward, hard, unnatural, unclear. It takes time, patience, lots of set backs and discomfort to have genuine love for yourself.
Self love – or lack there-of – shows up in many ways
It’s how you feel when you first wake up, your first thoughts and actions at the beginning of each day. It’s how you repair and reconcile internally when you experience conflict, pain, shame and doubt. It’s how you give yourself time and space. It’s how you recognise your needs, honour them, set boundaries and protect them with loving discipline.
It’s how you forgive yourself, it’s how you utilise tender and fierce self compassion to hold the hands of the parts of you that are wounded. Truly loving yourself means to know yourself, the good, the bad and the ugly and walk with those parts until they feel nourished and nurtured enough to become part of your integrated self.
It’s seeing and accepting the parts you’d rather lock away or run from
Even yoga, meditation and healthy habits can be used as ways to bypass ourselves…
So it’s not so much what you’re doing, but how you’re doing it. It’s the mindfulness and intention behind it.
Can you be slow, gentle and honest with yourself, can you hold integrity, mistakes, reactions, choices and behaviours with the utmost reverence.
Can you put your hand up when you’re wrong, apologise, let go, not take things personally, call yourself out when you’re not in alignment with your values. These are all small acts of self love.
True self love isn’t a very natural phenomenon anymore
It gets twisted and distorted and we are taught not to be selfish, indulgent, up ourselves, to abandon our feelings and needs in order to fit in and be “good”. So many of us are completely disempowered and disconnected. Running around people pleasing and neglecting who we are – love. Innately, without trying – you are love.
So many of us have swung the other way into self obsession, arrogance, deep insecurity masked by a lovely looking and sounding exterior.
Love is humble, love is kind, love forgives
Love connects and lets go where it needs to. Life is gentle, love is passionate, love is powerful, liberating and – it’s free.
Loving yourself in the right way is a practice, and it’s different for everyone for everyone. But it starts with small genuine acts toward yourself. Delivered with the same intention, ease, words and soft hands of a Mother tending to her child, from the way you would look at them, protect them, speak to them, nourish them and give them what they need – whether that be space for emotional turbulence, a nap, a big healthy dinner, a long held hug or words of encouragement.
Self love is the relationship you have with yourself, which all other relationships will reflect and grow from.
Opening the doors of love towards yourself
All of my teachings are subtly woven with self-love. I have created a bespoke meditation for people to begin opening the doors of love toward themselves. What would it be like to allow a greater giving and receiving of love to be exchanged from you to you? I can tell you it only expands your capacity to be able to share more with others. To strengthen your intuition, self trust, ease and authenticity within your relationships, not to mention the physiological effects on blood pressure, heart rate variability and so much more. Give it a go and see what happens…
If you are interested in learning about and starting to build an authentic connection with yourself – start here! https://hostwellness.co.nz/studio/em-k-yoga-online-learning-to-love-me-meditation-class/
